To The Test
by KrisEleven
Summary: A collection of one-shots on the relationship between Uther and Morgana. "You're his ward; he wouldn't harm you." "He hates magic more than he cares for me." "That's not true." "Do you care to put it to the test?" Gwen, Morgana, s1.e7. Chapter 2, The Moment of Truth in Your Lies: Morgana struggles with the knowledge that Uther is her father, and that it changes nothing.
1. The Cost of Being Unafraid

**A/N** These are unrelated one-shots all based on the relationship between Morgana and Uther. They will not have any chronological order to them, but I'll leave an A/N at the beginning (like this one) letting you know what the piece is based off of, and where it fits into the show's timeline (if at all). I'll also have a summary at the beginning of each so you'll know if you want to read the chapter's content. Many of these will be based off of drabble challenges from The Heart of Camelot, an amazing forum for Merlin fans. This one is based off the Lyrics and Melodies weekly challenge. This one is set during 3.12, when Morgause and Morgana are planning to make their immortal army. _  
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**Summary: **In daylight, you're Uther Pendragon's loyal ward – the beautiful, useless, almost-Princess of Camelot.

* * *

_Seasons don't fear the reaper, nor do the wind, the sun, or the rain._

_ (We can be like they are.)_

In daylight, you're Uther Pendragon's loyal ward – the beautiful, useless, almost-Princess of Camelot. Hidden in plain sight, you struggle to control the magic that would condemn you. You are always, _always_ afraid.

At night, though you should be terrified of the dark places, instead the fear slips away. It is daylight that threatens to show Uther what you really are, that would illuminate his face as his pretend love for you falls away. It is daylight that forces you into a series of masks and roles and charades that made you want to scream. Night doesn't hold the terrors, it hides you from them.

"Trust me, sister," Morgause says, "with the Cup in our possession, Camelot would soon be at our mercy."

Then, the hateful laws would be struck down, the senseless deaths would stop... it would end the hiding, the fear that is tearing you apart. You take a deep breath of relief.

Your sister smiles. "You don't have to fear death, when it is in your power. Come, sister... let me show you."

You've seen Uther and Arthur react to magic. Even if you sacrifice everything to stand by their sides, they will – inevitably – hate you for what you are.

You have to go against them, for everyone with magic.

If it means turning away from those you love... what kind of love is this, really? You meet Morgause's gaze and smile as you take her hand.

You don't have to fear death when you reach out and grab it. You don't have to fear betrayal when you're willing to do it first.

And you don't have to fear losing the ones you love, when you convince yourself they don't love you, anyway. Otherwise... otherwise, this choice would be truly horrific.

(and they _don't_ love you... right?)


	2. The Moment of Truth in Your Lies

**A/N** Another for the Heart of Camelot _Lyrics and Melodies_ challenge! This one was to be based off of The Goo Goo Doll's song, Iris... which gave me the title of the chapter. Set during 3.5, Morgana has just overheard Uther admit to Gaius that she is his illegitimate daughter.

**Summary: **Morgana struggles with the knowledge that Uther is his father, and that it changes nothing. He would still hate her for her magic. He would still kill her, if he knew.

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"_Uther is my father. I am his daughter... He's been lying to me, all these years... He disowned me._  
_He wants people to think he's the perfect King. It's more important to him than his own  
flesh and blood."_ The Crystal Cave, s3e5.

Morgana could hear Gaius moving about the infirmary, Uther – her _father_ – having left her bedside now that he'd dropped on her this burden of knowledge. And it _was_ a burden, knowing that he'd sired her and left her to grow up an orphan. To know that every time she'd watched Arthur and him together and pushed down the jealousy and sadness, it had been a _lie_. Uther hadn't loved Arthur more because he was his son, and she his ward. He had loved Arthur more because he'd _chosen_ to.

To know that her guardian would be unable and unwilling to give up his prejudices, to forgive her this magic she had found to be part of her was one thing. Something else entirely, to know that he would look at his daughter and see only the magic and how he hated it so. Something else, to know that her father would have her dead, simply for _being_ what she had no choice in being. She had been _born_ with it, this treacherous gift, and had known Uther would blame her and hate her and cast her down as readily as he would a stranger.

This thought had always hurt, as she had always loved Uther. She hadn't thought it could hurt more, but she was his daughter, and it changed nothing, and – oh – it did.

She was fading from this half-consciousness, the sounds and smells of the room losing strength as she fell into the blackness of her mind. Lost amongst the pain of memories ripped asunder and rearranged, old wounds made fresh, and all the questions she'd never dare ask, one certainty remained at the top of her consciousness, dagger-sharp and waiting to be acted upon:

Uther had to pay for this betrayal.

Her father had to die.


End file.
